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Chinese Brides

Chinese Women Make The Best Possible Wives?

China is often not even on the list of places that men consider when they begin thinking about Asian ladies and there are a lot of good reasons for that.  Until about ten years ago Chinese women did not regularly appear as one of the main groups of women who regularly sign up to become mail order brides, but it is another one of the long list of myths about international dating that there are not Chinese mail order brides.

Today Chinese women are often the most common Asian ladies on international dating sites and for many men the most attractive, because they break they shatter a lot of the preconceived notions about international dating.  They are unique.  That is why so many Western men are beginning to consider Chinese women for marriage when they start looking overseas.

Chinese mail order brides are more likely to be highly educated, successful, and generally more sophisticated about the world than women from Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, or other Asian nations.  But they also tend to still retain a lot of the elemental femininity and sweetness that make Asian women so alluring for Western men today.

The Chinese women who sign up for international dating sites tend to be modern girls who can build a web site or negotiate an export deal, and, yet, they are still absolutely 100% women. These are a special group of ladies.

In some regards the world’s most populous country is a real international dating outlier with a thousand crazy issues from ancient ones like the bias for boys and the necessity of paying a bride price to the unintended results of centralized planning and sex robots.

China is the most complex international dating situation in the world.  This article will give you a few ideas about how to successfully address those issues and find the woman of your dreams.  But of course, the first question

What About The Shortage of Chinese Brides?

Probably the biggest reason that most Western men searching for a foreign wife do not think about Chinese brides is that it is almost common knowledge that China has a shortage of women.  Now, I know what you are thinking.

You are expecting me to explain that this is an urban legend and that there is really a huge surplus of Chinese ladies.  No, I am not about to drop a link to Snopes that this is all a crazy Chinese urban legend.

There is a huge shortage of women in China.  According to the best demographic evidence available there are about 34,000,000 more men than women in China.  So, superficially it would appear to be the last place on earth a man would go if he was searching for a woman, but for Chinese singles things are complicated.

China's gender imbalance

Nothing is exactly as it appears to be and that is doubly true in this case.  The numbers are just brutal, but cultural, economic, and political factors mitigate the situation and create room for foreigners looking for Chinese women for marriage.

The reasons behind the shortage of marriageable women are simple.  In 1979, when China’s population was just below one billion people, paramount leader Deng Xiaoping  insisted that the birth rate needed to fall quickly, “we will not be able to develop our economy and raise the living standards of our people.”

Deng’s principal goal was to grow the economy, but he was also concerned about the possibility of famine, several of which had swept the country in the late fifties and early sixties killing perhaps 15 million people.   So, there were good reasons behind the policy, but Deng did not see some of the unintended consequences that always accompany centralized planning.

China had a long tradition of large families, but as paramount leader Deng had the power to push through the one child policy and get it strictly enforced.  Families having more than one child were fined and sometimes women expecting second or third children were forced to have abortions.

What Deng and later Chinese leaders could not do was change the bias of the people towards sons.  For uncounted generations a Chinese man who did not produce a male heir was considered a miserable failure – a failure to himself and all of his ancestors for letting the family line die out.

Baby boys were celebrated, but baby girls were grudgingly accepted as the price for doing business.  Even in large families that already had several male heirs lined up the birth of a girl was never as celebrated as the birth of a boy.

Once the one child policy went into effect these deeply rooted cultural biases meant that many Chinese families went to great lengths, including murder, to ensure the birth of a boy.  Soon baby girls were being found abandoned all over China.  When ultrasound and later MRI technology were introduced the primary use was to determined the sex of an unborn baby so females could be aborted.

This quickly led to the gender imbalance that China faces today.  And the gender balance at birth reached its apex in 2008 at 122 boy for every 100 girls before China began punishing MRI clinics that allowed for early detection of a fetus’ sex and a quick abortion for most females.  In terms of people entering the marriage market the wave has not even peaked.

bride choosing groom in China

Why Do They Become Mail Order Brides?

OK, that makes sense, but now you are probably wondering, “Why don’t these women marry Chinese guys?” It is the obvious question, but again it gets down to some pretty subtle Chinese cultural traditions.

Based on the numbers you'd imagine that any Chinese woman would have her pick of guys, and that would be that.

Not so, dear readers.  We have to go even deeper down the rabbit hole to get to the hidden truths. For singles the situation is crazy.

First, the distribution of men and women in China is uneven.  In rural areas men almost never leave, because there is often a desperate shortage of laborers to do heavy farm work and in the end the boys will usually inherit a farm.

Most poor rural girls – move into a city at seventeen or eighteen years old to work in one of the innumerable Chinese factories. They send a big chunk of their earnings home whether they really want to or not.

Middle and upper-class girls also leave small towns and villages to go to university or technical school leaving virtually no marriageable girls in rural areas of the country.

It also means that cities are overflowing with women.  Now you are thinking, “So, in the cities a guy can pretty well find a babe at will!”  Well, not exactly.

For a Chinese guy to ever be considered suitable to ask for any woman's hand in marriage he'll be expected to pay something called the "pin jin” or bride price. This is an ancient custom that's basically a dowry paid to the father of the bride for her hand in marriage.

The problem is that it's not just a few coins - most Chinese guys in larger cities are expected to hand over up to $30,000 for permission to marry the woman in question - that's thirty grand – U.S. – he needs in cash.

It doesn't end there though, because he's also expected to own a house, a nice car, and have a respectable job too.  Not only that he is going to have a lot of competition.

So, most Chinese guys are put in an impossible situation where they desperately want to get married to a Chinese woman, but they can't afford to. And that's why so many of them are traveling to Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia in search of love and romance but without the case of sticker shock.

Couldn't they just borrow the money they need?

Sure, Chinese banks are more than happy to loan you money, as long as you can prove you don't need it in the first place i.e. you're already stinking rich.   And so for many girls it is just easier and simpler to sign up with a Chinese mail order bride site and start actively looking for a foreign man than to continue trying to find the perfect Chinese husband.

Beautiful Han Chinese Women

Chinese women in Han Dynasty costume

The majority of Chinese women, over 91%, are from the Han ethnic group, so they all have the same natural and effortless beauty, wrapped up in a petite body. That's not to say that every girl you meet here will be a slim Asian supermodel, but they take care of their bodies in a way you're probably not used to.

Fitness has become huge in China.  Asian women always paid attention to their bodies, but usually they did that simply by eating carefully.  There are fitness clubs in cities and towns of any size.  Chinese women are big fans of yoga and Zumba.  Some take dancing classes and martial arts and weightlifting is also gaining ground.  So, now you will see fit, toned women across the country.

Chinese women take pride in looking well, so they'd never dream of packing on 50 pounds, blaming you for it, and then spend the next five years glued to a sofa while pounding hamburgers into their gaping maw of a mouth.

Not a pleasant image, right? Kind of like that thing in Star Wars that Jabba fed his enemies to.

There are huge cultural differences between Chinese and North American women, for example, and it goes beyond just attitude. Chinese women eat a healthier diet, and wouldn't dream of binge eating just for the sake of it, so they generally have slim figures.

In terms of facial appearance, yes they usually will have slightly rounded faces, clear skin, bright almond-shaped eyes, long dark hair and small but oddly full lips. They're not naturally curvaceous or voluptuous in the way Latinas are, but they do have curves in all the right places.

One other amazing thing about Chinese women is how they embrace their femininity - they're not ashamed of it, and they don't try to hide it. And they exude this in almost everything they do, from just walking across the street to making a serious first impression on a date.

The simple truth is that Chinese women have great genetics and it shows. They're naturally beautiful, age slowly and have bodies that look like they spend most of their day in the gym, but they don't.

Sadly, plastic surgery is becoming more common with a surprising number of Chinese brides paying to - get this - look more like European and North American women.

Somebody needs to pass a law to stop that. Chinese women are perfect just the way they are!

That's why China is becoming increasingly popular as a destination for international daters - there are millions of single women there. Women whose lives haven't been ruined by gender studies philosophies peddled by angry, overweight women who can't compete in the world they find themselves in.

What we're going to share with you today is everything you need to know about finding, meeting and dating a Chinese girl, and why you should take the first step towards doing that right now.

Chinese Brides Love Romance

All women love to be romanced, but Chinese brides are particularly enthralled with romantic notions.

There are lots of reasons for this, but the main one is that romance represents a very deep form of personal freedom. China is still very much a totalitarian state, although it's changed dramatically over the last few decades, but it is also a country with extremely deep cultural traditions that extend much farther into the past than the Communist victory in 1949.

Every Chinese girl knows stories of grandmothers who were basically sold off to strange men who offered a good bride price in arranged marriages.  With a little variation that was the tradition across China.  The wishes of the bride barely mattered.

Although many things changed after the victory of the Communist the tradition of arranged marriages more or less continued, especially in rural areas.   But the Communist did offer a lot of new opportunities for young women in terms of education and employment and those changes inadvertently led to a growth in the idea of romantic love.

Before the Revolution it was rare for boys and girls to spend much time together, but the Communist Party put the together in schools, clubs, factories, and offices and the notion of romantic love quickly flourished.  But the culture of the home did not change.

Traditionally, a Chinese husband is the absolute master at home. So, the average Chinese husband tends to be more dictatorial than most hardline, conservative American husbands ever were.  During the old days of arranged marriages that was fine, perhaps even necessary, but it clashed with the new romantic notions many Chinese brides brought into a marriage.

But Chinese women watch American and European romantic comedies.  They know there is another model of romance and marriage out there and they like it.

So, to a large extent the freedom she's looking for is also romantic in nature. You see, most Chinese of marrying age are only-children. This is because of China's "1 Child" policy and has resulted in a lot of single guys thinking and acting like spoiled brats. This isn't to say that all only-children behave like spoiled brats, but the majority of Chinese male twenty somethings really struggle with the word "No".

Chinese women are under intense pressure to always be respectful, to always be dutiful and to always do the right thing. And this isn't just a rite of passage during their teenage years - it stretches all the way to the last days of their life. Believe it or not Chinese women are expected to "...be obedient to her father before marriage, to her husband during marriage, and to her sons if her husband dies".

Imagine telling any European or North American woman that she had to remain obedient to the men in her life, for the rest of her life? You'd need a police escort to get home alive.

Now, couple that ancient cultural tradition with the modern fact that all Chinese men are only children and most were spoiled rotten their entire life.  In fact, they were spoiled so completely that they are called the Little Emperors and have been studied at length.

What you get is a lot of young men who are not great husband material.  Young Chinese men have notorious reputations for a variety of self-destructive behaviors from internet gaming addiction to alcoholism to a recent explosion in the sale of life like sex robots to replace real women.

Oh, yes!  You simply cannot make this stuff up!

For many men these mechanical ladies are just less trouble than a real girlfriend.  They follow orders exactly and they are eternally young and beautiful. You can see why a lot of beautiful, talented Chinese women would not take too kindly to this trend.

So, Western men tend to look more honest, mature, and masculine compared to this huge sea of generally selfish, immature Chinese men.   This is all made worse by the mixed cultural messages these women have grown up with.

The Shame of Sheng Nu

crying Chinese Sheng Nu

Chinese women are faced with an array of mixed messages.  The communist ethos was that it is the duty of every citizen to maximize their natural talents to forward the power, welfare, and reputation of the Communist Party, the Chinese people, their families, and themselves more or less in that order.

This pressure is compounded by a feeling among many families whose only child is a girl that, “Well, we may only have a girl, but she is going to be a Chinese super girl!”  So, the spoiling so common among little boys is far less common among little girls.

So, many Chinese girls, particularly middle and upper middle class girls, are raised in the “Tiger Mom” tradition.  They are pushed to excel at school, and in sports.  Being beautiful is highly prized and child beauty contest are huge. Nearly all of Chinese girls play an instrument or two.  Many learn a foreign language, though ChinGlish is usually the result.

Then these smart, driven young ladies go off to technical school or university or in the case of poor girls into a factory and they work incredibly hard to make their parents proud.  The smartest, most driven, and luckiest succeed and they do great in school or get a slew of promotions and are soon off the factory floor and into management.

They are doing great for themselves, but if they are no careful this leads to problems.  First, almost none of the “Little Emperors” want to date a woman who is more successful than him.  Perhaps if she is in a field that does not pay well, but if she makes more money then him that is a gigantic turn off.

It gets worse.  Let’s say a super talented young woman is able to go off to graduate school in the United States.  She is brilliant and hard working and she gets into Harvard Business School. For the sake of argument lets say she is gorgeous too.

By the time she returns to China at 24 or 25 years old she will be considered an old maid.  In fact, in China they have a term for it: Sheng Nu. This literally translates to "leftover woman", and is routinely applied to single women over the age of 25.

And our hypothetical graduate of Harvard Business School has even bigger problems.  First, she is financially successful in a way and that is a huge turn off.  But she is also hot and believe it or not that is a problem too.

Of course, Chinese men love beautiful women. In fact, beauty is often a great advantage in the job market, because Chinese companies still hire bluntly on looks for some jobs. In dating it is more complicated. If a woman is too beautiful it is another power dynamic that a lot of the most spoiled guys are not confident enough to handle.  So, our HBS grad has three strikes against her and can easily find herself becoming Sheng Nu.

This is a matter of great shame and frustration for their parents.

Young women will hear their parents saying things like "I won't die in peace until you're married" and "Don't be so free willed" and "You're not a kid anymore". This then escalates to emotional blackmail like "Don't be so cruel to me", and then ultimately "You're a leftover woman".

Women struggle with this emotional burden because they've been raised to respect their parents and becoming "Sheng Nu" is a form of disrespect shown towards your parents.

Some women become so desperate that they will routinely hire fake boyfriends to present to their family at key events, especially during the Chinese New Year.

The situation is even worse for single mothers - they're literally treated like lepers. No Chinese man under the age of 50 will show any interest in them and even that is rare, because nothing upsets a 21 year old Chinese man more than learning his widowed father is about to remarry and possibly muddy his inheritance.

That's a horrible generalization to make, but it's one based on the harsh reality of single life in China. It's also a stark contrast to Western society where women with kids aren't frowned upon. In fact, some guys like the idea of a "ready made" family.

They Are Not Submissive Women

sizzling bodies of Chinese girls

This is one notion you need to immediately shake off - Chinese women aren't meek oriental flowers looking for a masculine Western guy to order them around all day.  They are fully capable of thinking for themselves.  They are not submissive women – not really – but they do want to help their husbands because that is what Chinese wives do.

So, let's be clear about this: They don't look or act like Geishas, especially because Geishas are Japanese.

What you mistake for submissiveness is actually a person who was brought up to respect her parents and other people in her life. And that's something you need to show her from the very beginning - respect.

If you're a total Broseph who likes high-fiving people for no reason and flashing your cash and your car, while telling everyone how amazing you are at the top of your voice, well that's not going to do you any favors.

Be a nice guy - she'll appreciate that way more than any show of wealth.  When you start considering Chinese Women for marriage remember these women want to be respected.  Chinese men romance them, but Chinese men have a hard time showing the sort of respect they really want.

One thing to watch out for is the minority of super spoiled Chinese women, let’s call them Little Empresses. They will judge you on nothing more than your income, and how much of that you want to spend on them. And the split second a guy with a slightly fatter wallet comes along...she's gone.

These are a lot more rare than Little Emperors, because of the differences in how boys and girls are raised, but it can happen.  You will probably know when you meet one though, because she will be obsessed with fashion, celebrity, and bling just like so many Western girls.

A Few Tips On Chinese Dating

China has been more immersed in Western culture than ever since the Bamboo Curtain was raised. The state still controls the Internet and the media, but with more and more Chinese women traveling overseas to study, or just for pleasure, they're being introduced to the idea of true love and romance.

The only unfortunate part of that is that they get these experiences from Hollywood movies and books on the subject, which isn’t a true reflection of what romantic life is like in the West. But, with that said, it's still a better deal for them than having to take part in some "marriage market”.

Yes, these markets do exist, and parents show up like clockwork to post their children's profiles in the hope that they'll attract a husband for their daughter. The same thing happens to men though, and they're routinely asked what type of job they have, how much they earn, if they own a house, and if they own a car.

Dating in China is tough work, for both sides.

They want to experience the love and romance idealized in Western movies, which is a little bit naive on their part. But then again the other choice is to put up with a Chinese husband who wants to control every aspect of her life, including where she works and what she does for a living.

Yes, it really does get that insane.

So what Chinese women want in a guy is love, romance and to be treated as an equal in the relationship.

Mail Order Brides Don't Exist

You might cringe just a little when you read the term "Chinese mail order brides", but this is mainly because of the unfounded bias in the mainstream media against international dating.  It's important to understand that websites only use that terminology because it's what has been used for decades.  It is the most common search term for international dating online.

And in the United States it NEVER meant buying a bride in the sense slaves were bought and sold.  Usually, in the Old West it meant paying for a train ticket and other travel expenses after exchanging letters.

You cannot buy a bride.  You cannot open a catalogue, pick a bride and then have her turn up on your doorstep.  That is just one of the ridiculous pieces of misinformation that about international dating that abound online.

The Chinese government has cracked down heavily on all forms of mail order bride catalogue businesses, so they no longer exist. Breaking the law in China is a different deal to breaking the law in other countries - it can literally cost your life.

With that said there's a very healthy international dating scene in China, and it's been around for decades. And this is despite the fact that there are more single men in China than there are single women - we'll explain more as we get into the more granular details of this article.

Why You Should Consider Marrying A Chinese Woman

hot Chinese girls

There's a really nice spiritual belief that the East is feminine and the West is masculine, which makes any couple from those respective backgrounds the perfect match. The Yin and Yang balance achieved without really trying.

Whether or not that's true is entirely up to you, but there are some truths to how two people from completely different cultures and backgrounds can be a perfect match for each other.

One of the biggest mental hurdles most Western men face when it comes to considering Chinese girls for marriage is that they're just looking to get a green card, kick back and take advantage of your white, Western privilege for the rest of her days.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact - and you might not like hearing this - the vast majority of Chinese women you find on dating sites probably earn more than you, or are entirely capable of doing so.

Women are often so successful that Chinese guys refuse to date them because having a girlfriend that earns more than them makes them feel somewhat emasculated. That's kind of silly from our perspective, especially considering that the professional women are usually some of the most beautiful women in the country.

Yes, there are rural farm girls who are looking to meet a nice, affluent Western guy to escape the drudgery of village life, but they're in the minority. Instead most of the Chinese women you meet online will have a college or university education, and have a professional career as an engineer, architect, doctor or something along those lines.

They have zero financial motivation for meeting a nice North American or European guy. None. So you can shake that notion out of your head right away.

What a Chinese woman brings to the table are the qualities you've been desperately looking for: loyalty, honesty, a work ethic, family oriented, and committed to making your relationship work.

The fact that all those qualities come wrapped up in a beautiful Asian exterior is just a bonus - you have noticed how slowly Chinese women age, right?

Marry A Chinese Woman And Get Rich?

A lot of men are concerned about being scammed.  It is a fair concern, but the truth is that nearly all of the women who sign up for international dating sites really want to get married – if they meet the right man.

But the idea that all of these Chinese brides are gold diggers will not go away.  The fact is that these women are not gold diggers. They want more than just money.  They want to be loved, but here is something nuts: a man can actually get rich if he marries the right single Chinese woman.

Huh?

Relax, this isn't nearly as seedy as it sounds. But it is the truth.

How so?

Well a recent report showed that interracial couples make the most money - especially Asian/White couples - they're at the very top of the income ladder in the United States.

The reason why this happens is that Chinese women have a real work ethic. Their parents worked very hard to provide them with everything they have, dragging the family out of poverty and into the middle class. So her focus will be on working equally hard to make sure her children have everything they need to be successful in life.

This is also part of the reason why Chinese students routinely outperform everyone else in universities and colleges across the United States - they work hard towards their goals from the moment they're old enough to understand what goals actually are.

You won't have to encourage your Chinese wife to work or start her own business - you'll probably have to talk her down off the ledge when it comes to working more hours than is healthy for any human being. This is something worth considering when you are pondering the costs and benefits of pursuing a foreign woman for marriage.

And here is another option, there are actually wealthy Chinese women pay men to marry them.  Instead of a bride price the right husband can get a dowry and sometimes it is gigantic.  In 2013, a lucky guy got $150 million from his father in law.

Barriers To Marriage

flags of China and America

There are some stiff cultural barriers.   At least as late as the 1990s Chinese girls studying in American universities were warned about the dangers of falling for an ABC or American Born Chinese.  It wasn’t racism.  It was cultural bias.

The idea was apparently that you were not REALLY Chinese unless you were born under the red banner of the People’s Republic of China.  Perhaps, some of the resistance it was political, because during those days many of these women were the daughters of high government officials.

From what I understand they did not even bother about warning them about falling for a “round eyed devil,” because every decent Chinese girl knew her family would never allow such a match.

That bias has softened a lot as China has become a great power again.  Today Chinese are more used to seeing foreigners than ever before, but if you date girl under 23 her family probably will not be too happy, unless they believe you are rich.

But if you are dating one of the Sheng Nu, a poor old maid over 23, then they will probably just be happy she has a boyfriend.  Even more so if she is too tall, fit, sexy and intelligent to be marriageable!

Man, just think about that for a minute!

Supposedly, today some Chinese mothers - if her daughter is nearing her mid twenties - actively encourage her to look for romance overseas. Sure, she’s prefer that her daughter find a nice Chinese guy to settle down with, but nothing is worse than her daughter having no husband.

And almost everyone agrees that Chinese in-laws tend to be great once you have kids, because that means the family name will continue and their ancestors can remain at peace.  So, in the long run it often works out very well.

Anyhow, the biggest barrier to meeting girls in China is the language barrier. It is less of an issue among college girls and in large cities, but it is always an issue.  If you are in the countryside you can forget about meeting anyone that speaks English, much less one of the few single women who has not already ran off for the cities.

Traveling To China

Fortunately China has several international airports, including Beijing, Shanghai Pudong, Guangzhou Baiyun and Chengdu Shuangliu airports. You may need to grab an additional interior flight, because China is massive. Don't even think about driving overland, although train journeys can be worth it for the adventure.

Return tickets cost around US$900, but can cost a lot less if you're flying to China from Europe instead of from North America.

But one of the best things to do is to take an A Foreign Affair romance tour to China.  If you don’t know what a romance tour is check out our The Best Damn Guide To Romance Tours Anywhere!  If you already understand the value of a romance tour check out A Foreign Affair’s schedule of upcoming Asian excursions.

Generally, your expenses will be perhaps 10% more on a guided trip than the best a normal traveler could swing, but the value is there.  This is true in Eastern Europe and Latin America, but even more so in Asia where you are unlikely to speak the language and easier to spot as a foreigner, even if you are ethnically Asian.

Should You Consider A Chinese Woman For Marriage?

Men are remarkably simple creatures, and we don't mean that in a negative way. In fact, it's actually a positive trait because the vast majority of men from Western countries know exactly what they want from life.

At eighteen a man expects to move out of his parent’s house and go to college.  After a few years of fun and education he gets a good job, finds the right girl, settles down, and has 2.3 kids. This isn't a recent behavioral pattern that's emerged - it's the basis of American society since at least 1945.

Most American men believe this is what their father and his father before him did, although in reality the near universality of a college education did not develop until the 1970s.  In more blue collar communities he might do a hitch in the military or become an apprentice before he marries.

The outline is more or less the same across the Western world from Sydney, Australia; to London, England; and on to Berlin.  This model of the nuclear family is almost universal in the Western world.  And it has been an incredibly successful model.

It has led to a vast increase in the standard of living for every country that has adopted it.  Unfortunately, in recent decades aggressive feminist academics have painted this dull picture of monogamous marriage as being a fate worse than death for any Western woman.

And the idea of having children is equally as bad - after all, women aren't some kind of walking incubator, are they?  Yes, there are women that claim that having children is the worse thing that can happen to a woman.

The problem is that these theories are wrong, and not just subjectively, but based on scientific research:

"By many objective measures the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men."

The feminists are wrong. Very wrong, but the general public and the mainstream media have not realized it yet.  The feminist inspired naval gazing is making women think the grass is always greener, someone else husband is always nicer, and her kids got all her husbands bad genes.

Some of this is human nature.  It was the theme of Leo Tolstoy’s great novel, Anna Karenina, and dozens of noir detective films in the 1940s.  And this is something that has almost left China untouched.

A Chinese wife is likely to just be overjoyed to be married to a decent guy who doesn’t have a sex robot in the closet!

This is why international dating scene in China is alive and well, despite the imbalance in single men versus women.   The reality is that there's a growing number of professional, single Chinese women who want to experience falling in love with a Western guy is like. They know it can be a life-changing experience.

All they need now is their knight in shining armor to show them the way.