Dating a Single Mom
If you ask most guys how they’d feel about a date with a single mom, you’ll probably see a confused look on their face- this is a non-verbal “Uhhh, I don’t think so”. After all, who wants to be some kid’s baby daddy now that their own daddy has gone? Or at least that’s what a lot of guys tend to think.
There's been a stigma attached to dating a woman with kids on the dating scene for a long time now, and all without good cause. Sure, there are some single mothers out there looking for a baby daddy, and a sugar daddy at the same time.
Fortunately these kinds of women are in the minority, whereas most single moms are just looking for a good guy to share their life with.
There are pros and cons to dating single moms and if you meet a woman with children on an international dating site both pros and cons are magnified.
That means depending on how you and the lady handle it meeting a single mom on A Foreign Affair, Elena’s Models, or another of the sites we review here on International Love Scout can either be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to you or an emotional and financial train wreck with potential national security implications.
Even your dumbest college roommate knows that single moms are SERIOUS. Sexy single moms will put up with more of your little ideocracies, because they know a lot of men will not date a woman with kids, but they will also demand more because are always thinking about how your behavior is going to impact their child.
With international brides this is doubly true. They know marrying a man from overseas can revolutionize their life and the life of their child. At the same time the cultural issues are more serious, because not only do you have to work out the cultural and social issues with your new lady you have to let the child understand who you are and what you are doing.
Dating After Divorce: Getting Back In The Game
Nobody gets married ever thinking it will result in divorce. It's the last thing you ever expect to happen, but once the process is set in motion there is very little you can do to stop it.
The main issue for newly single parents is that you have invested your entire life in your partner and your family, with little or no thought for yourself. So, this leaves you stumbling around the dating scene like a newborn deer, with no idea how modern dating actually works.
Online dating has made getting back into the dating game a whole lot easier, but it's not without its flaws. When you emerge from married life into the world of Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and all the other online dating portals and apps, you’ll feel overwhelmed and completely out of your comfort zone.
You’ll realize you have absolutely no idea how to date after your divorce. But all hope is not lost!
The key to being successful in the post-divorce dating game is to be happy with yourself, because if you’re not happy with yourself you’re going to give off the kinds of negative vibes that will keep potential partners away in droves.
Now, the idea of being happy in yourself doesn't mean you need to have the perfect body, the perfect job, or a pile of cash in your bank account. But what it does mean is that you need to be comfortable in your own skin, and to not be desperate to settle down with somebody, anybody, no matter what.
You see the very last thing you want to bring to your next relationship is the baggage from your marriage, but this is exactly what most divorcees do.
Your next partner will most likely not want to deal with the baggage, so your relationship will be cut short. The only real way to get rid of that emotional baggage from your last relationship is to speak to a good counselor or psychotherapist.
Remember all of this when you meet a mail order bride with kids. In most of these countries divorce is really frowned on and it was probably the last resort for a woman trying to escape an abusive situation.
In fact, it is not uncommon to meet young widows, because Russian men tend to drink themselves to an early grave. Eastern European women have a lot of good reasons for becoming mail order brides.
You probably hate that idea - none of us want to drag up the things from our past that have hurt us, but if you want to have healthy relationships you need to deal with your past first.
Dating With Children: You Have To Put Your Kids First
Why do foreign women want to marry Western men? There are a lot of reasons, but they are double for single moms. Recognize this, but don’t take unfair advantage.
Even if you find yourself struggling with the loneliness of being newly single, or how desperate you might feel to find new love, you still have your kids to think about. They should be your primary concern, when it comes to choosing a person who might be sharing your life with you.
This is important for a number of reasons, not the least of which being the safety of your kids - you've all seen those horror stories online about what can happen when the “wrong people” are introduced to innocent children.
You can tell a lot about the person you're dating when you see the reaction to the fact you have children, and how they speak about them during the early stages of your new relationship. A mutually sensible approach to putting your kids first in this new relationship is to limit their exposure to your new partner, although they should suggest this too.
The very last thing you want is to add further instability to your children's lives by having a variety of boyfriends or girlfriends dropping in and out of their lives every few months. This is completely unfair on them, and can cause a huge amount of hidden psychological and emotional damage, that will then affect their relationships in years to come.
If your new partner also has kids then you won’t need to explain that family comes first. If, however, you’re dating somebody who has never had kids, then there’s a bit of a learning curve for them in that you can’t just spontaneously take the weekend off.
A Whole New Level of Intimacy
A lot of men make the mistake of chasing after women in their 20s because they think the sex will be mind-blowing. They assume that younger women are basically porn stars in training.
The truth is most women in their 20s are still figuring out their own sexuality, so while they might be a lot younger, they’re more concerned about their looks than how good they are between the sheets. A single mom, on the other hand, would normally be in her early 30s and have far more sexual experience than you can imagine.
In addition to this there’s also the fact that while men reach their sexual peak by the time they're 21, a woman doesn't reach her sexual prime until she's in her 30s. Ask any man who has dated a thirty-something single mom. You’ll need plenty of fluids, and maybe some snacks.
It's not that you wind up with some kind of deprived nymphomaniac, but what you will have is a woman who is just as passionate about life and intimacy as you are, and in a way that will surprise you.
Just don't forget that she will have some emotional baggage from her previous relationship, especially about how she looks naked. She probably has stretch marks, and her boobs probably aren’t quite what they used to be – she’s completely okay with how she looks because she has grown one or more human beings inside her.
So, don't get bent out of shape if she wants to have sex with the lights off, or while keeping her bra on - she's not trying to be weird, but she is lacking in some self-confidence and usually as a result of comments made about her body by her previous boyfriend. Don’t rush things in the bedroom – you have plenty of time to figure each other out, and what you like and dislike.
Single mothers are, in our experience, very interested in having a regular and healthy sex life, which is the exact opposite to what most guys think. Look at it this way - how frustrated would you be if you’d spent the last few decades of your life raising children, but never had time to experiment sexually? Her most recent idea of a hot date was a warm bath, a glass of wine, and 15 minutes with her favorite vibrator.
Moms: They Already Have Kids
If you're dating a woman over the age of thirty, there’s a very good chance she already has one or two kids of her own. Now, some guys won't even consider dating a single mom because they can’t see how it would be fun. After all, wouldn’t you suddenly have to play daddy, when all you want to do is spend some time playing with their mommy?
Nothing could be further from the truth -what you’re forgetting is that single moms are adults too, and she's just as eager to spend intimate time with you, as you are with her.
Obviously if there are kids around then you need to be more discreet and plan things out a little more in advance, but to be honest that's all part of the fun anyway.
It's also worth remembering that very few single moms are gold-diggers - even though they do exist, and you do need to watch out for them. Most single mothers just want to meet somebody they can date and have fun with, in the hope of it leading to something more permanent. That's exactly what you're looking for, so don't judge her in advance without having any of the facts.
Any single mother with more than two brain cells to rattle together will actually limit your exposure to her life and to her family until she’s certain she can trust you. So, one of the first warning signs with a single mom you're dating is that she wants to make you part of her family life straight away - this rarely doesn't end well.
Another perk of the fact that single moms will have kids is that you get a ready-made family, which is ideal for guys who might have struggled with previous girlfriends and trying to start a family with them.
If you're worried about your new girlfriend not wanting to have any additional kids, then that’s something you need to discuss, gently, during your first few dates. Again, once she trust’s you then you can start having “Let’s make a baby” conversations with her, but not before.
Mail Order Brides With Kids
If you fall in love with a woman from another country the fact that she has kids shouldn't have any impact on your feelings for her. What you do need to be realistic about is that you will face all the challenges of a long-distance relationship, plus the additional challenge of becoming a stepfather to children who may not even speak the same language as you.
Expect a lot of planning and preparation if and when your future mail-order bride relocates to your country. You’re also going to need enough living space for an entire family, and more besides.
The dynamics of a long-distance relationship with a foreign woman are different to your typical local relationship. Technology, however, allows you to stay in touch with both your overseas girlfriend and her children.
Obviously if there is a language barrier this is something you will need to overcome, but you only need to grasp the basics of any language to make your feelings felt.
Mail order brides with children are not uncommon, but if you do wind up in a long-distance relationship with a single mother you should expect your family to ask questions. There’ll be a concern on their part that you’re being duped into being nothing more than a ‘Green Card’ supplier for an entire foreign family.
That's why it's important to involve your family from the early stages of the relationship, and allow them to communicate with both your girlfriend and her family.
Be Completely Single
The very last thing any single mom needs in her life is drama, and that includes any kind of "complicated" relationship you might currently be in. If, for example, you're still legally, or technically, engaged or married, then don't expect her to either entertain or understand that.
Every moment of her day is already accounted for, so she has absolutely zero time available to be dealing with any level of BS from you. Be completely available and completely single before dating a single mom - otherwise you’re just wasting her time, and your own time too.
Her Security Comes First
Let's just assume that you've made it through your first few dates with your new single mom girlfriend. Awesome.
Somewhere in the back of your head you might be thinking about the idea of moving in with her, or her and her kids moving in with you. Any single mom is going to be extremely reluctant to give up, or put at risk, the security of having her own home.
She's already had the experience of a relationship falling apart, so don't expect her to be okay with the idea of sharing a home any time soon.
Remember her priority is the safety of children, and not your personal feelings or principles in relation to sharing a home with each other.
All good things come to those who wait, as they say, so please be prepared to be a little bit more patient than usual with your new girlfriend, but if you truly care about her we shouldn't even need to mention that.
Her Ex & You
Your girlfriend has kids which means she's given birth to a child, which usually means there is a biological father somewhere in the picture. Not every single mother has had a terrible breakup with the father of her children - sometimes things just don't work out. It's nobody's fault, so people try to move on with their lives.
Even in cases where the breakup with her ex was pretty bad you still need to expect him to be a part of her children's lives, even if that's for just a few hours each week.
In her eyes how you handle this type of situation will tell her a lot about your future together. If you're the kind of guy who is extremely jealous, insecure, or has anger management issues, then these personality traits are going to come to the surface when you deal with your girlfriend’s ex.
These types of situations are a great opportunity for any male of the species to clearly demonstrate how much of a man he is.
And to do that by being an adult and understanding that your girlfriend’s ex will be a part of her life, whether she likes it or not, for at least the next decade or so.
You don't have to be best buddies with her ex, but you do need to have a relationship with him that works for you, your girlfriend, and most importantly her children.
No Mind Games
You know all those games you can play with single girls, like not calling them for 4 - 5 days, or staying out drinking with your buddies for an entire weekend, or dating other girls on the side? You can forget all of those if you plan on dating a single mom. You see, she has a limited amount of time with you to decide if you’re worthy of being part of her life.
So, if you do anything to screw up her opinion of you within the first few weeks of your relationship, she will end it in a heartbeat. This might make her seem cold, or narcissistic, but she's just saving herself the time and effort of being in a relationship that’s going nowhere.
She has probably already heard every excuse you can think of from a man, so don't waste your time trying to play games with her. Well, not unless you enjoy being kicked to the curb by every single mom you date.
Help Out Where You Can
Unless she's a real gold-digger she won't need some night on a white charger to ride in and rescue her. Basically, she doesn't need you to save her. She's managed to raise her kids on her own long before you arrived on the scene, so don't go making the mistake of thinking you're doing her a favor by being in her life.
Now with that being said, she will appreciate if you offer to help out with chores around the house. You don't need to re-shingle her roof to earn some brownie points, but doing simple things like taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the oil in a car, and all those other time-consuming tasks she just can’t get around to.
Single moms never seem to have enough hours in each day, so whatever you can do to help her create a little personal bubble of time for herself will be appreciated in a way you can only ever understand if you've raised a family on your own.
She's From The Past
While you might have several hours of leisure time each day, a single mom doesn't. If she has young kids she probably averages four hours of sleep each night, which gives her absolutely no time to keep up with current events, or what the latest movies are. This might make you feel like you're dating somebody from the pages of history, but the last thing you should do is make fun of her because of it.
Introduce her to the wonders of Netflix, Amazon Video and Hulu. Share your Spotify playlists with her to get her up to speed with what’s happening in the world of music.
Even better, find out what types of movies she enjoys watching, and then put together a list of all the best movies in that genre released over the last few years. The shows you care, it shows you listen to her, and it gives you an excuse to spend some quality time with her doing something she loves.
Nobody ever said dating single moms was easy, but it’s more than worth the effort you put in.
Single Moms Around the World
Let me comment briefly on a couple select subsets of sexy single moms that you really ought to consider.
Hot Russian Moms
For whatever reason, I see a large number of single, hot Russian moms. I guess you could do some research and come up with the reasons, whether wars, unemployment, or whatever.
Doesn't matter. The point is the dating sites I follow show a lot of single moms. And if you haven't checked out Russian women generally, and these hot single moms specifically, get on it. It's a great place to find super quality women.
OK, different continent, different culture, for our next subset.
Hot Latina Moms
I say "Latina", you think hot. I know you do.
Songs glorify them, love stories praise them; and for any of you who have had the good fortune to visit the Medellin's, the Rio's, the Buenos Aires's of the world, I need say no more.
Another fact about Latin cultures? They love kids; they're family oriented. Single moms don't need to hang their heads in Latin cultures. They're proud of their motherhood, and any man who can hook up with a sweet, loving Latina single mother and her child will be in for a great and loving experience.