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Dating Younger Women - Can It Work?

The concept of older men dating younger women, often stunningly beautiful younger girls, is the key reason why International Love Scout exists.  If these relationships did not work we would have been out of business sometime back in the Bush Administration.  So, would every other international dating site.

This is not just the crazy babbling of some guy on the internet.  There is scientific proof that older men dating younger women can succeed.  That is important, but mostly I am going to tell you my personal experiences about dating beautiful, fun young ladies in a variety of countries around the world. 

But let me be clear. By “younger women” I am talking about women over eighteen years of age.  And, no, I do not want any of the excuses about how biologically or emotionally mature younger girls can be, cultural traditions, or the legal issues surrounding the age of consent.  Eighteen is a solid, reasonable line in the sand and following it will save you a lot of hassle and possibly jail time. 

But from eighteen up the definition of “younger women” varies widely. I once met a highly decorated World War II veteran who used always bragged about his “hot trophy young wife.”  He was ninety-four and still sharp enough mentally and physically that it was easy to imagine this guy flying a two hundred combat missions in the Pacific. The “hot young thing” he was with that weekend in Las Vegas was a very well put together lady of about seventy-five, so a sexy young woman is one that is young and sexy to you.

Personal Experiences of an Older Man

I'm a 64 year-old American man, myself, and have lived all over the world and dated younger women in more than ten countries, including the Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, Mexico, Colombia, and Panama, to name a few.  So can you.   

I am not rich – not by the standards of the United States.  Even by the standards of the places I have lived on my expat wanderings I am not exactly rich.  Yes, I am certainly far better off than most of the local inhabitants, but that does not make me rich.

I budget my finances carefully and I still do a little consulting for my former employer and a couple of other companies back in the United States from time to time. I am not terribly interested in any of the stuff I did during my working life, but I built a good reputation.  I was in a super competitive field, so I still get calls sometimes and it is nice to make a little extra money. 

So, I am hardly rich, but that has not prevented me from dating women that I could never have dreamed of dating back in the United States.  Stunning women who look like models, actresses, or the girlfriends of professional athletes.

I am not handsome.  Since my grandmother passed away forty years ago I don’t think anyone has called me handsome and my grandmother went blind in one eye about 1910.  So, I know I am not handsome.

And no, I am not the old fit dude either

In 1969, during my senior year of high school, I was the slowest linebacker that anyone in my hometown could ever remember making all-district, but I was absolutely in the best shape of anyone on my team or any team we played.  I was as good on the first play of the game as the last play. However, since the last play of my almost Al Bundy level high school football career things have generally been downhill for me in terms of fitness.   

After high school, I got my first experience at world travel – all expenses paid – courtesy of Richard Millhouse Nixon.  Then I went to college, got married, and had a pretty good run in medical sales, but I certainly didn’t stay in shape. Raising three kids and working in a competitive sales job was tough.  I like good food and good times.  I don’t get to the gym as much as I should.  So, your story is probably a lot like mine. 

Well, except for the fact that I have dated dozens of hot young women!

How To Date Younger Women

Young Women's Dating Profiles

So, how did a moderately successful middle age guy like me end up being about to date so many beautiful young women? 

I got lucky – incredibly lucky.

After the kids were grown my marriage fizzled out and I decided I wanted to see a little more of the world.  I never imagined I would be able to date women who had all of the beauty and grace of supermodels or top actresses.   

It has been amazing. And I never saw it coming!  I wish I could claim I was smart enough to say I planned to have the best sex of my life in my fifties and early sixties, but I am not going to lie.  I got lucky – very lucky.

I was just tired of my life and disappointed about the end of my marriage. It wasn’t the worse divorce in the world, but even the best divorce is like a yearlong case of the flu. 

For the first two months after my divorce I really threw myself into my work.  I found it really tough to find anyone I was interested in dating.  I did date occasionally. I would meet women my own roughly my own age who seemed interesting.  We would do the little mating dance you have to do and then go out a few times.  Nothing.

They had baggage.  I had baggage.  Sometimes they reminded me of my ex in a good way sometimes they reminded me of my ex in a bad way.  It was just tough.  I lost most of the circle of friends I had with my wife, because nothing happily married couples hate more than the guy who divorced got divorced after twenty-four years.  It reminds them their seemingly happy marriages can spiral out of control too. 

I understand that concern, but it was really hard particularly after my youngest son went off to college.  I was really depressed when I was not working, so I worked like a madman. 

Then one day I saw part of a story on the evening news about “Russian mail order brides.”  This was in 1997 and I was really curious.  I had no idea what a mail order bride was exactly.  My first thought was of the old Western starring Buddy Epsen, Mail Order Bride, that I had seen back in middle school, but that wasn’t much help.

So, the next day I did a little “research” on my computer at work.  That was the good old days before firewalls and website tracking.  I was shocked.  There was this gigantic universe of Russian mail order brides I had never even known existed.  In those days, there were literally hundreds and maybe even thousands of websites, but a lot of them were small and seemed a little fishy. 

But God did I love looking at the beautiful girls!

I just couldn’t believe there were so many stunning women in the world.  Stunning YOUNGER women who wanted to date older guys like me!

Wow!

There was a whole universe of beautiful young women who date older men.

Meeting a Mail Order Bride

But the logistics of meeting any of these women seemed overwhelming.  Part of this may have been that I spent every Wednesday in elementary school ducking under my desk which was supposed to protect me from the blast effects of a Russian hydrogen bomb.  The Soviet Union was a scary place and I had always used the words Soviet and Russian interchangeably.

I did not speak the language or know the country and Russia was in its “Wild West” phase.  I was attracted to the women, but, excepting for a vacation with my ex-wife to Acapulco in 1980, I had zero international travel experience. 

Then I stumbled across to a website called, A Foreign Affair, that was a little different from most of the other companies.  It was American owned, based in Phoenix, Arizona, and the site was clearly focused on being totally above board and honest.   They were ordinary American guys from Phoenix, Arizona running a legitimate business.    

So, I decided to take one of A Foreign Affair’s romance tours to St. Petersburg.  I told myself I needed a change of scenery.

And boy did I get a change of scenery!  From dating middle aged divorcees who were tired and cynical to stunning, carefree girls in their twenties who could turn heads in any city in the world.  And I was not just looking at them.

Holy Smokes!  Talk about a life changing event. 

There were so many amazing women on that tour.  I met several I really had a great time with, but the truth is I was still too raw from my divorce.  But the main thing was that the romance tour helped me see that there really was a silver lining to my situation.  Yes, my marriage had failed, but I was still relatively young and I could find love again. 

I started going to the gym, so that on the next romance tour I took I would be in better shape.  Oddly, I even started dating more American women when I got back home.  The experience of that romance tour gave me new confidence and changed my outlook on the world.    

So, if you have read this far you really need to check out A Foreign Affair’s Romance Tours.  It really is a world class service. 

And I was planning on taking another romance tour the next year, but I got offered a promotion with my company’s international sales division and I immediately accepted the position.  With this job, I lived and worked for eight years in Asia and spent my last two years before retiring in Latin America. 

I dated a lot of beautiful younger women.  I also met a lot of other foreign men who were dating local girls.  I learned a lot about dating a younger woman, particularly in Asia, Latin America, and Eastern Europe. 

Older Men Like Younger Women

You will probably not be surprised to learn that there is a mountain of research that shows that virtually all men are attracted to younger women.  You can see this at any Hooters and most class reunions.  It is completely natural and totally ethical.  There is nothing abusive, unfair, or weird about an older man liking younger women. 

From what I have seen this is a concept that grumpy older women, particularly angry feminist, preach to make themselves feel better and guilt trip men into settling for grumpy older women with a mountain of personal baggage.     

So, the first thing that you need to get over if you are going to date younger women, regardless of where she is from, is the sense of guilt that you are “robbing the cradle” simply because you enjoy the company of significantly younger women. 

Around the world men are generally three to five years older than the women they marry.  Furthermore, a pile of psychological studies show that whatever age men are the prefer women from about 22 to 29 above women of any other age. 

But what is perhaps more surprising is that there are actually a lot of good reasons for men to want to date younger women.  A recent study conducted in the United Kingdom determined that, “Men should marry a woman who is cleverer than they are and at least five years younger, if they want the relationship to stand the best chance of lasting…”  A recent article in Scientific America explained the best age difference for a man is to be about fifteen years older than his wife.

According to the article, if you are forty you need to be looking for a twenty-five-year-old woman to marry. Heck, that's what Scientific America says and if you are like most American men you do everything that Scientific America recommends, right?

For all the naysayers, out there who think that older men dating younger women is just not natural - well, there is now scientific proof that dating a woman who is younger than you may be a good idea.

Another recent study conducted by the prestigious Max Planck Institute actually RAISED that number suggesting that a man gets the most out of marriage when he is married to a woman 15 to 17 years younger. This is very compelling evidence, and it means if you are forty you probably need to be dating a twenty-three or twenty-four-year-old woman.

Another study published in the journal Biology Letters, provides evidence that the reason that men prefer young women is due to their high fertility while women prefer older men due to their wealth and high social status, which make them good providers for the offspring.

The evidence for dating younger goes on and on!

You can’t help liking beautiful women in their twenties.  Teenage boys love women in their twenties.  Middle aged men in their forties and fifties still find women in their twenties the most attractive.  Old men in their sixties and seventies also like women in their twenties.  Even men in their twenties like women in their twenties!

So, I am going to assume you like women in their twenties too. 

Now, most guys say that they like women in their twenties, because they are old enough that they aren’t babies anymore, but young enough that they are still fun.  Women in their twenties still like to go out and dance or ride motorcycles and do other exciting things.

You don’t have to spend a lot of time with married guys to know that this free spirit adventurous attitude often disappears with women after marriage and with nearly all women after they have children.  Perhaps, that is for the best in the big picture, but it can make the company of a 26-year-old woman feel like the fountain of youth for a man who is single for the first time in twenty or thirty years. 

But evolutionary biologist would tell you that it is not the free spirit that is so attractive, but the fact that mating with a younger woman in her twenties is the best way for you to pass on your genes.  And it makes a lot of sense why you are so attracted to young women with smooth skin, tight abs, perky breasts, and great smiles.  Your DNA is telling you that this woman has great DNA and is ready to mate.      

Furthermore, nothing – absolutely nothing - is better for a man’s health than marrying a younger woman.  It is better than losing weight, eating better, or making more money. To put it another way, regardless of your previous medical history, if you want to live longer marry a younger woman!

Younger Women Like Older Men Too!

This drives a lot of feminists crazy and it might surprise you too, but most younger women are attracted to older men too.  Some psychologists claim women subconsciously choose older men who remind them of their fathers. 

At first this might strike you as bunk, but many well-adjusted women remember the time they spent with their dads through the most romantic possible lenses.  They remember their father as being strong, kind, and protective.  They remember a real sense of safety and unconditional love. 

For a middle aged guy this gives you a real opening, but it also gives you a lot to live up to.  But the truth is that men achieve emotional and mental maturity at an older age, so you are much better equipped to live up to these expectations at 48 than you were at 18.

Older men have been to more than one rodeo.  Older men have stories, some of which are actually true, and they tend to be much better conversationalists.   They can talk and the smartest men have even learned to listen.  And honestly, it is very easy to listen to a super hot fitness model talk about any durn thing she wants to talk about.

And this experience also carries over to the bedroom.  Younger women often like the gentle, confident sexual style of older men.  For many young women, this romantic approach is far more attractive than the feats of sexual athletics that young men often want to perform in the bed.      

Young men are still trying to make their mark in the world.  They are often brash, loud, and aggressive.  Older men also are often more patient and less destructively jealous than younger men.  Competition is just not a part of these relationship because the man and woman are at different places in their lives and careers. 

Older men do not mind being polite and chivalrous.  They are willing to lavish attention on their young lady in a way that younger men sometimes find hard to match.  They hold the door for the woman they are dating and tend to be generally well-mannered.  These are all things that often seem like a breath of fresh air for women used to dating 21-year-old college boys. 

This is often a huge

The relationship is often very important to older men.  Older men often glance over at the hot young woman they are with an inwardly glow at her beauty.  An older man who is with a stunning young woman knows he is lucky, so he values the relationship.   So, he is willing to compromise with his woman when they have a disagreement more than he might have done twenty years earlier.   

Regardless of what the age of the man is when he marries it is likely he will be three to five years older than his bride. And if women did not prefer this you can be absolutely certain that this age gap would not exist.  It is just that simple.

In fact, the most recent scholarly work on the modern mail order bride phenomena, Buying a Bride: An Engaging History of Mail-Order Matches by Marica Zug, makes it clear that becoming a mail order bride is usually a positive life changing event for the brides. 

Zug is an avowed feminist who started researching the mail order bride industry with the idea it was only one small step above human trafficking.  She started out with a reformer’s zeal to help the poor women she initially thought were being exploited by the system, but gradually the overwhelming evidence to the contrary changed her mind.  She realized that these marriages were often incredibly positive for the brides – and the grooms. 

Zug’s conclusion, at the end of almost a decade of research, is worth quoting at length:

The negative views of mail-order marriage are well entrenched, but they are often unjustified and obscure the fact that these relationships continue to benefit both men and women. Mail-order marriages increase the marital options of those who find their domestic marriage opportunities limited and disempowering. The grooms in modern mail-order marriages are often men who have been excluded from the American marriage market. The brides are typically women unhappy in their home countries and particularly with the available men there, but with few emigration opportunities. Mail-order marriage connects these two groups and enables both to reassert control over their lives by expanding their marital opportunities.

This is the best book about mail order brides and if you still have questions about whether or not to pursue a foreign woman you should buy the book.  Zug is a law professor and Buying a Bride was published by NYU Press, but that is exactly why it is such a great answer for anyone with any doubts.  

May – December Relations Can Work

Let me give you my honest assessment about these May-December relationships. For many guys dating younger women can work - work great in fact, but sometime you need to really stop and think about the situation, particularly with mail order brides. 

Do at least a little reading on the history and culture of wherever the lady you are interested is from.  This can help you understand her situation much better. 

For instance, the situation for unmarried women in China is almost like something out of a science fiction film.   And the reasons why there are so many Russian mail order brides is almost enough to make you cry. 

If you live in any of these places for very long you will see clueless American and European men who show up without any understanding or respect for the culture.  Often these are the men who cannot find any female companionship and usually they end up sad and bitter.  So, do a little research before you start.

Financial Realities of Dating a Foreign Woman

The first is that the notion of romantic love often takes a backseat to the primary motivator for many girls entering into such a relationship: economic or financial security. 

Younger girls, regardless of whether they are Ukrainian, Thai, Colombian, or Texan, often perceive older foreign men as stable, financially secure candidates who can not only provide security and educational opportunities for them, but often for their families as well.

They often trade their youth and beauty for an older man's financial wherewithal and wisdom.

I hope that doesn't insult your sensibilities. Did you really think it was just your looks, charm, and charisma that drew that beautiful, exciting, sexy 22-year-old girl to you?

Yes, but only up to a point. 

You need to always keep in mind that many of the mail order brides you see on International Love Scout are drawn to considerably older men, because in most cases they have been born into a family which cannot afford them the educational, financial, or social opportunities that so many western girls take for granted. 

Your financial status is not the only thing you have going for you.  The mail order bride boom is now more than twenty years old and almost every woman looking to meet a Western man has a girlfriend, sister, or cousin living happily in the United States, Canada, the European Union, or another developed country. 

The importance of these endorsements about the advantages of marrying a foreign man cannot be overstated particularly when you meet well-educated, successful women who are doctors, lawyers, or small business owners.  It gives women who should be far and away the most sought after single women in their native lands a reason to move.

Perhaps, even more important is power of the romantic comedy.  Because of the internet, you can pretty well bet that every hot 23 year old woman in Odessa, Bogotá, and Bangkok has seen every Hollywood romantic comedy going back to at least 1985.  And they like what they have seen of American and European men, because the men in these movies are far more kind, polite, and romantic than the men they know.  You may hate romantic comedies, but it is a big reason why American men are more attractive overseas.          

So, your perceived financial status does raise you above the run of the mill local guy these women, yes.   But, am I saying that mail order brides are gold diggers?  No I am saying that these ladies want more than your money.

But the money does come into the picture, particularly with her family.   

Family Obligations

One of the thing that Western men often say they like about foreign women is that these women are so family oriented.  They really are, but that does lead to a level of involvement with a girl’s family that is almost unheard of in most of the developed world.

Many countries around the world have no welfare programs, medical care, free or low cost education, or social security system for the aged.   As a result, families tend to be closer-knit than in many more advanced countries. Children grow up with a sense of responsibility for younger siblings and parents that has disappeared from many of our western countries.

Since government programs don't exist that will take care of the sick or aged, children take on that responsibility for their siblings and parents. This is a truth that you must recognize if you get involved with a much younger girl from a large family. She will consider caring for her family, both emotionally and financially, an obligation that she cannot turn away from.

It's very important to tackle this issue head-on if you become serious with a girl, especially one from a large family. You need to recognize that you will often be expected to help with the education of siblings and the medical care of family members from time to time.

It's possible and advisable to discuss just how much financial support you can and are willing to give. If you are too cheap and refuse to help at all, you risk eventually alienating your girl's affections. You've heard the old saying "blood is thicker than water"?  Well, it's true here.  If you can give some financial help, you will be repaid handsomely in the appreciation and love of your girl.

I remember a girlfriend I had in the Philippines. I gave her younger sister $50 a month to rent a boarding house room with some other girls when she was in college. You'd think I was sending her $1,000 a month by the appreciation and love shown to me by my girl, her sister, and family. 

Small generosities reap big rewards!

Get Used To Being Pampered!

This may sound hard to believe but sometimes Western men have a difficult time adjusting to the level of pampering that they receive from foreign girls.

Many of these girls have grown up in cultures where taking care of the men in their families is almost a genetic predisposition.  Their cultures foster and value this treatment.  This borders on the law in Asia, but pampering your man is also a strong tradition in Latin America. 

In Eastern Europe, the sheer trauma of the twentieth century probably moderated this tradition, but in the years since the fall of the old Soviet Union it has started to return with a vengeance.  If you are perceived as a real catch a modern Ukrainian girl will often be almost as sweet, compassionate, patient, and devoted to your health and happiness as a Vietnamese or Peruvian woman.    

Like it or not, these women still play the nurturing, supportive role which has been devalued and disowned in so many more "modern" societies.  For me, this was actually a big challenge.  I don’t really know quite why, maybe because I had been divorced and lived alone for quite a few years before I got a really serious girlfriend again.  But it is a challenge for a lot of guys.  Just try to smile about it and realize she is just showing you how much she really loves you. 

And do not assume that you're dealing with a poor, weak, defenseless, mousy woman. On the contrary, many of these girls, by nature of their upbringing, possess a strength and resilience that makes them excellent wives and mothers. 

If you find a good girl with these traits, you will experience a level of devotion and caring that you have probably never known before.

Romance, Social Life, Sex

Receiving the love, affection, and physical pleasures of a 20-25-year-old girl has to be one of the greatest experiences a 60 year plus man can ever experience. 

It's as if you've drunk the waters of El Dorado; you feel totally invigorated, rejuvenated, and forever young.

But, as we all know, the initial fires of new love eventually simmer and cool. What then, with your much younger girl friend?  If your physical needs are much less than hers, can she accept that?

What if you can't keep up with her sexual demands? What will she do; will she look elsewhere?

It's hard to generalize about these things. Many girls find us older guys appealing simply because we have sowed our wild oats and aren't so tempted to run after every beautiful girl that comes along, as many of the younger guys they could date would do.

Lera Loeb, maybe America’s most famous mail order bride, explained that...

In my part of the world, in Russia, that's considered cool if you marry a foreigner. That's every girls' dream. The age difference is not a big deal.

These girls are as unique as women in any country. Some have a high propensity for fidelity, others don't. Go slowly, enjoy yourself, but really get to know any girl you date. Don't let the excitement of this young girl on your arm suspend your rational mind. 

And how much can you share in other areas? Are you ready for hip hop, rap, and whatever music young girls now listen to these days? Remember when you were young, and realize that she too must go through her growing pains.

It's wise to discuss these things. Some girls will be content just to socialize with you, travel, and spend a lot of time with their family. They may not need a big social life. Remember, culturally you may come from very different backgrounds. What is normal in your world may not be at all in hers. 

This whole issue of differing social and entertainment needs may be a moot point. Again, if you take your time and get to know each other, you'll be able to tell if your wants and needs in this area are congruent, or if trouble may arise because of vastly different needs.

At the end of the day, these May-December relationships can be some of the most stable, loving, and mutually beneficial ones around.

Or, dating younger women can be a disaster, but so can dating an older woman.  There are guys who do not need to be dating anyone.  Make sure you are not one of those guys before you complicate the life of a woman with your issues.  If you have your life in order you can create a beautiful successful relationship with a younger woman.

Ultimately, you each need to understand the others' reasons for being in the relationship. If you both can accept the other's needs, wants, and dreams and feel you can support each other in achieving them, your chances for a successful long-term relationship are excellent.