Older Men - Younger Women
You’ve undoubtedly heard stories about Eastern European, Asian, and South American girls in their 20’s dating American, Canadian, and European men in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond.
If you haven’t experienced it yourself or personally known someone who has, you’re probably asking yourself... first of all, is it really true; and secondly, how do relationships with such age disparities work out in the long run?
I'm a 63 year-old American man, myself, and have lived and dated younger women in more than 10 countries, including the Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, Mexico, Colombia, and Panama, to name a few.
Can these relationships really work?
Let me give you my honest assessment about these May-December relationships. I can share not only my own personal dating experiences but also the stories of countless other men I’ve known over the years. For many guys dating younger women can work - work great in fact, but sometime you need to really stop and think about the situation.
The truth is... many times girls prefer dating men considerably older than themselves, even more than dating men their own age. Why is that? Although the reasons vary among the girls, you must recognize two very blunt and interrelated truths that apply to many of them.
The first is that the notion of romantic love often takes a backseat to the primary motivator for many girls entering into such a relationship: economic or financial security.
Younger girls often perceive older foreign men as stable, financially secure candidates who can not only provide security and educational opportunities for them, but often for their families as well.
They often trade their youth and beauty for an older man’s financial wherewithal and wisdom.
I hope that doesn’t insult your sensibilities. Did you really think it was just your looks, charm, and charisma that drew that beautiful, exciting, sexy 22 year-old girl to you?
You need to always keep in mind that many of the girls who are drawn to considerably older men have been born into a family which cannot afford them the educational, financial, or social opportunities that so many western girls take for granted.
The second truth, tied to the first, is that many of these girls have grown up in cultures where taking care of the men in their families is almost a genetic predisposition. Their cultures foster and value this treatment.
Like it or not (and personally I do), these women still play the nurturing, supportive role which has been devalued and disowned in so many more “modern” societies.
Now, this is not to say that you’re dealing with a poor, weak, defenseless, mousy woman. On the contrary, many of these girls, by nature of their upbringing, possess a strength and resilience that makes them excellent wives and mothers.
If you find a good girl with these traits, you will experience a level of devotion and caring that you have probably never known before.
Remember that many countries around the world have no welfare programs, medical care, free or low cost education, or social security system for the aged.
As a result, families tend to be closer-knit than in many more advanced countries. Children grow up with a sense of responsibility for younger siblings and parents that has disappeared from many of our western countries.
Since government programs don’t exist that will take care of the sick or aged, children take on that responsibility for their siblings and parents. This is a truth that you must recognize if you get involved with a much younger girl from a large family. She will consider caring for her family, both emotionally and financially, an obligation that she cannot turn away from.
It’s very important to tackle this issue head-on if you become serious with a girl, especially one from a large family. You need to recognize that you will often be expected to help with the education of siblings and the medical care of family members from time to time.
It’s possible and advisable to discuss just how much financial support you can and are willing to give. If you are too cheap and refuse to help at all, you risk eventually alienating your girl’s affections. You’ve heard the old saying “blood is thicker than water”? Well, it’s true here. If you can give some financial help, you will be repaid handsomely in the appreciation and love of your girl.
I remember a girlfriend I had in the Philippines. I gave her younger sister $50 a month to rent a boarding house room with some other girls when she was in college. You’d think I was sending her $1,000 a month by the appreciation and love shown to me by my girl, her sister, and family.
Small generosities reap big rewards!
Romance, Social Life, Sex
Receiving the love, affection, and physical pleasures of a 20-25 year old girl has to be one of the greatest experiences a 60 year plus man can ever experience.
It’s as if you’ve drunk the waters of El Dorado; you feel totally invigorated, rejuvenated, and forever young.
But, as we all know, the initial fires of new love eventually simmer and cool. What then, with your much younger girl friend? If your physical needs are much less than hers, can she accept that?
What if you can’t keep up with her sexual demands? What will she do; will she look elsewhere?
It’s hard to generalize about these things. Many girls find us older guys appealing simply because we have sowed our wild oats and aren’t so tempted to run after every beautiful girl that comes along, as many of the younger guys they could date would do.
These girls are as unique as women in any country. Some have a high propensity for fidelity, others don’t. Go slowly, enjoy yourself, but really get to know any girl you date. Don’t let the excitement of this young girl on your arm suspend your rational mind.
And how much can you share in other areas? Are you ready for hip hop, rap, and whatever music young girls now listen to these days? Remember when you were young, and realize that she too must go through her growing pains.
It’s wise to discuss these things. Some girls will be content just to socialize with you, travel, and spend a lot of time with their family. They may not need a big social life. Remember, culturally you may come from very different backgrounds. What is normal in your world may not be at all in hers.
This whole issue of differing social and entertainment needs may be a moot point. Again, if you take your time and get to know each other, you’ll be able to tell if your wants and needs in this area are congruent, or if trouble may arise because of vastly different needs.
At the end of the day, these May-December relationships can be some of the most stable, loving, and mutually beneficial ones around.
Or, dating younger women can be a disaster.
Ultimately, you each need to understand the others’ reasons for being in the relationship. If you both can accept the other’s needs, wants, and dreams and feel you can support each other in achieving them, your chances for a successful long-term relationship are excellent.
Older men, Younger women - it can work, but take the time to think it through.