Guys ask us on a regular basis if they are too young to date a mail order bride. Generally, this question comes from men between say twenty-five to thirty-five years old who want to know if they are too young to date foreign women.
The simple answer is – NO – not as long as you are over eighteen. There is no age requirement for men who want to date foreign women.
This is a common misconception, because most of the men who sign up with international dating sites are significantly older.
There are no basic requirements for a man, but that does not mean every lonely male college student tired of the crazy dating culture on American campuses should book a ticket to Odessa, though that could be an amazing spring break trip.
It is true that Western men are extremely attractive to foreign women, but the overwhelming majority of men who date and eventually marry girls through one of the dating sites we review are middle aged men between about thirty-five and sixty-five years of age.
But there are still a lot of younger guys, below say thirty-five, who decide to head overseas in search of romance.
Not every young guy needs to date a mail order bride, but for some guys it can seem like a miracle.
Guys who have special problems that make dating in the West difficult can often succeed beyond their wildest dreams overseas. They can succeed and find the love and companionship they need and become great husbands and fathers.
It can be beautiful, but the younger a guy is an outlier. There are some real advantages to for young guys, but there are some challenges too.
Romantic Advantages for Young Guys
The basic advantage a younger guy has is that normally the women in Eastern Europe, Latin America, or Asia would probably date a younger man if she was dating a man from her home country. This might seem obvious, but it is a huge advantage.
Yes, you will see a decent number of native May-December couples between younger women and older men in Eastern Europe and across Asia – particularly in fancy restaurants and luxury resorts – but in general the women would probably date guys within say four to seven years of their age, perhaps slightly older than in the United States or most other Western nations.
These ladies have been pondering dating a man fairly close to her own age since they were little girls.
A young man was their beau ideal and they probably have dated younger guys. A younger man is within her comfort zone and fits her internal model of what she grew up expecting from a romantic match.
That means a young man does not need to explain and defend the age difference to her. A lot of guys are relieved about not facing this burden. It means a guy be more relaxed and more fun without worrying about this issue.
It also helps because the women do not have to ask themselves,
Is he too old for me? That makes it a lot easier for younger guys to meet a ton of stunning women and get on to the trickier business of romance.
It takes a lot of pressure off of the relationship. If the age difference is less than about a dozen years a man does not have to explain the age gap to friends, family, and coworkers.
Mail order bride shaming is a serious issue and the age gap makes it worse. Often it places serious strain on the relationship at the most critical moment in the process and is a big advantage for younger men, but not the only one.
A young guy is less likely to be burdened with a messy divorce and children, and for a lot of these ladies that is a real attraction for women too.
Foreign ladies are extremely romantic and so a guy who has never been married has a little more of a halo effect if he has a good story to explain the situation.
Oh, and finally, a younger guy is younger. He probably has more hair and he know most of the music and movies that the women know. Given all of the other cultural challenges couples face this is really nice.
First Hand Experience
I have attend a couple of the socials that A Foreign Affair stages as part of their romance tours and I met several younger guys. These guys were exceptionally shy, compared to the older tour participants.
On the tours the
average guy, if there is such a thing, was in that forty-five to sixty-five range, and very successful in whatever their life’s work was.
Many were outgoing small businessmen who have made a lot of money selling cars, computers, or real estate.
These guys were intelligent men who made their money talking – either as salesmen, advocates, or managers. You could see why younger women would be attracted to them.
They tended to be fun, loud, and outgoing. There was a truck driver who probably knows the name of every Waffle House waitress from Jacksonville to Richmond.
He was just one of those guys who lights up the room when he walks in. Not every guy over forty was in that mold, but most of them were friendly, competent men.
The men below thirty-five were an odd mix. Most also seemed to be financially successful, but they were terminally shy – true introverts. One guy was a real estate agent.
He was very relaxed and articulate talking with me, but I saw him with women at the social and he was gasping and pausing like he was climbing Everest. It was obvious that this was just very hard for him.
So, I wrote John Adams, the CEO of A Foreign Affair, and asked him about younger guys.
John is really the grand old man of international dating he has led hundreds of romance tours and been married to a beautiful Russian woman for over twenty years.
He replied with a story about the generally shy nature of many of the younger guys:
Younger guys do fantastic on the tours. I had one guy who was about early 30’s good looking guy. We were in Odessa. about a quarter of the way through the social I went to the bathroom and he (David) was in there. He wasn’t doing anything, he was just standing there. I asked him what he was doing and he looked at me with a straight face, kind of afraid and said,I can’t go out there!I said, David, what’s the matter? He repliedI feel like a piece of meat!I convinced him to finally go back out and he did well,.
The women at the socials tend to be a bit more aggressive than what men are used to, especially younger men, and when they come top them and physically grab than and want to talk to them it is alien to most men and for some overwhelming.
There are some challenges for younger men – challenges that will shock them.
The core issue is that although these girls did imagine themselves dating a man roughly their own age, and that makes the initial attraction easier, most of them have had bad experiences with men their own age.
They usually signed up with a dating agency because they decided they want the perceived benefits of dating an older man: stability, loyalty, honesty, and a sort of gentle seriousness.
First, he needs to clearly communicate that he is not a player. A lot of the women in Ukraine assume that foreign men are all players.
They have heard stories of good simple, Ukrainian girls taken advantage of by scheming Western playboys, and the younger a man is the more this is an issue.
And if a girl decides a man is a playboy it has the potential to get expensive – both economically and emotionally. He should explain that his career is established and that he really is ready for a serious relationship.
One way that a younger man can help overcome a lot of these issues is to take a romance tour, because the tour will immediately let women know he is serious.
Being mixed in with the older guys allows a younger man to highlight his youth and being part of the group with a lot of older successful men will help him cover the issues a woman might see as his weaknesses.
Here is what John Adams said about the challenges younger men face on romance tours:
I will say that if men in their 30’s say 35 really ant to marry a woman who is 35 or even a little older they may have a bit of a hard time. Most of the women in the places we go view men their own age and not mature enough, loyal enough, or stable enough to really be serious. This comes from their frame of reference and the men they know and deal with. So if a man is around 35 and looking for a woman who is say 30 or younger he will have no problem whatsoever, but again, as he gets closer and closer to his own age it may get a bit more challenging for him.
John goes on and explains that most younger men who take AFA tours have a great time. He explains that:
The guys who are in their 30’s or even mid to late 20’s do very well, we just don’t get as many of those guys since our average age is closer to late 40’s or so. So when there is a younger guy on the tour that carry’s himself well… they get a lot of attention from the women, even to the point of overwhelming attention, and they do fine.
Of course, the younger guys are not alone in having a good time when they take an AFA Tour.
Hard to find anyone on tours without a smile on their faces, but the younger guys who may be used to a bit more dating are really surprised by all of the attention and opportunity they find with us.
I can second that opinion. The vast majority of men I met on the tours were happy to very happy with their experience. So, the tours are a great way to go for guys whether you are nineteen or ninety-nine, but I do not believe that every guy from nineteen to thirty-nine should be dating mail order brides.
International Dating Checklist For Men Under Forty
There are some men who simply are not ready to pursue a mail order bride or any other woman for that matter.
I wrote a whole article about men who need to get their life in order before they start dating again.
Even if you believe you have things working fairly well it is worth reading because none of us are perfect, but there is a difference between perfection and rejection.
Here is a checklist for men, particularly younger men, should consider before deciding to date a mail order bride:
- Are you really serious about a long term committed relationship? The overwhelming majority of women on international dating sites are serious – very serious. If you are not serious then everyone will be happier and better off if you keep moving.
- Are you financially stable? Foreign women are particularly concerned about this and all of the international dating spots – Ukraine, Thailand, Colombia and so – attract a lot of wealthy men. You do not have to be wealthy, but it is not fair to drag someone else into a life of poverty. So, be honest with yourself and the women you meet.
- Are you ready for the cultural challenges? Again, this is an issue for every man in interesting in foreign women, but younger guys may not be quite as patient about some of these issues. The best approach is that when you argue with a woman assume that their might be a cultural issue you do not understand or perhaps miscommunication.
- How patient are you? This is huge. A lot of young guys are in a hurry, but the one overwhelming character trait that a man needs to succeed in any relationship is a bit of patience. This is doubly true when dating a beautiful foreign woman who speaks a language you do not understand.
Also, younger men need to realize that Western men often have a great reputation for being extraordinarily patient, so if you are easily angered or seem unstable it will often seem even worse.
- Will you be able to deal with her family? This is another issue where older men have a built in advantage. In most of these countries her family will have a built-in set of assumptions about the foreign man. You need to recognize it and rise to the occasion.
Yes, sometimes, particularly in Asia, this might lead to a point-blank discussion of money with her family, because the tradition of paying a dowry is still strong in some areas.
But most of the time you need to be able to show some confidence and leadership. They want to know you are a real man. A little swagger and a nice gift will usually get the point across.
Don’t go too far and talk down to her family. It is not an easy balancing act to be macho, outgoing, and respectful.
You would probably need to put on a similar show in any Western country, but you would understand the language and the cultural context better.
Which Young Guys Are Right For International Dating?
No, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out if international dating is right for you!
Of course, most men could succeed overseas, but not every guy needs to try international dating.
First, if you are in your twenties or early thirties and reasonably successful with the opposite sex there really is probably not a reason to consider a foreign bride.
And I believe that if you do not really want to go through the process you probably shouldn’t.
International dating takes effort and the women really expect that you are extremely interested in meeting them.
So, if you are a natural born American player in the prime of his career DON’T go breaking hearts overseas.
The same goes for Canadian playboys, English ladies’ men, European Casanovas, and Australian…
Well, you get the picture. The point is that there is no reason for young guys with real game to go down this road.
For one thing you are simply not the kind of guy that foreign women are expecting to meet. The reason that serious Western men have such a great reputation is that they tend to be earnest, shy men looking for true love.
So, young players do not need to go screw up a good thing
International dating is absolutely made for shy guys. Dating in the West is a nightmare of mixed messages. No one, well no normal guy, wants to be a sexual harasser, but in the United States the rules are pretty complicated.
In Los Angeles or Des Moines beautiful women rarely walk up and say,
Hello, I am interested in you, but this will happen in Kiev or Colombia if you follow our advice here at International Love Scout – that is a promise! (OK, almost a promise. You might do something very weird we have not mentioned, but you understand.)
The most common type of shy guy is simply an introvert who does not need to be overly verbal in every day life, maybe he works in IT or he is an engineer.
He might be confident and successful at work, but is the proverbial ‘
deer in the headlights around beautiful girls.
Another sort of shy guy grew up in extremely religious families where sex before marriage was absolutely verboten and marriage was more serious than heart surgery.
Often these guys are twenty-eight years old, highly successful, and absolutely terrified to approach a woman.
In the United States and Europe these are the guys that end up as forty-year-old virgins, particularly in the current atmosphere of – often true – sexual harassment charges.
These guys are loved by women overseas, because often they are kind, compassionate, romantic, and appreciative.
So, if you are shy guy you don’t have to completely change your life to meet an amazing woman who wants to meet you.
And no one is better suited for a romance tour than a shy, successful young man.
Dating For Disabled Men
International dating is also a great option for many disabled guys. Dating and romance are challenging for everyone, but if you have the extra burden of a physical disability it can be simply overwhelming.
Generally, foreign women are willing to accept a man with some disability. In fact, among the more traditional guys who are from 45 to 65 often have had heart attacks or been injured at work or in automobile accidents.
A significant number walk with a limp or use a cane and mostly the women are not concern. It appears that the women appreciate these men more, because they know that these men will appreciate them more and are less likely to cheat.
If you are disabled just tell the ladies what your limitations. Be honest and don’t try to oversell yourself, because you don’t want to talk a woman into overlooking the potential challenges if you are disabled.
Romance her, but let her make up her my mind about whether your disability is a negative for you.
One thing that it seems that disabled guys like about international dating is that with all of the language and cultural issues the challenges of the disability do not dominate the relationship.
It is just one more challenge the couple has to over come together and probably not even the main one.
Dating For Young Veterans
The final group of young guys that international dating can really help is military veterans. The United States has been at war continually since 2001, but it is a war carried out by a tiny minority of soldiers.
Many Americans have not had a single friend or relative in the military since 9/11.
This chasm is often hard for young servicemen to explain to women they are date.
Their military service often casts a long shadow over the relationship that many servicemen despise, because fairly or not every action they take is often interpreted in light of their military service. It is simply a drag at times.
Overseas a mail order bride – even a highly educated one – is simply less likely to know or be concerned about a veteran’s military experience.
Like a disability or other difficult issues – maybe the death of a spouse or something – that would dominate a relationship at home there are too many cultural and linguistic challenges for the military issue to become the dominant force in the relationship.
At times military service can be a positive, because all of the countries where women opt to join international dating agencies tend to have a deep streak of cultural machismo.
Women in these cultures are often attracted to strong men, particularly if their strength is part of an overall personality that is compassionate, intelligent, and patient.
Military service can also make it easier for a young guy to connect with a woman’s family in most of these countries, because every parent wants their daughter to marry a man who can protect her from whatever threats she might face in life Some dude with three tours in Afghanistan has the Bona fides to stand up to the toughest criticism from her family and friends.
This is particularly true in Eastern Europe where, even seventy some years after the end of World War II every Russian, Ukrainian, or Polish family had a grandfather who killed Nazis the way other men kill flies.
A calm, competent veteran can make a great impression on her family, because of the reverence for veterans across Ukraine and Russia.
Really, even after the short war in 2014, there are very few combat vets around, but the ones who are around receive enormous respect.
Veterans are probably in the best situation of any of the younger men, because a lot of foreign women are not going to see anything about a veterans service that needs any explanation and instead are going to see the positives.
A Romantic Solution For The Right Men
International dating is not the right choice for every guy under forty, but for certain solid men who find current Western dating practices difficult it can be a Godsend.
Foreign ladies will often be charmed by a shy guy, compassionate to a disabled man, and attracted to the strengths of a young veteran.
It can make dating fun and interesting, because the issues that seem so daunting in Los Angeles or London often barely register in Lviv, Lima, or Hanoi.
Editor-in chief – An over educated international traveler, he sets ILS’ light, positive tone. Charlie constantly pushes to ensure every article is supported by good sources, preferably from peer reviewed journals, government reports, or top-flight newspapers and magazines.